WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
