I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
