i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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