I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
