Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Mom said you looked used
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
