i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
