I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
