Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
