my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
