my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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