My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
