I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
