are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
