I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
