The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
