Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
