So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
