after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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