Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
