my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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