I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
