a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
