Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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