two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
