Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
