wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
