wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
