you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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