Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
