I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
