Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
