So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
