HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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