I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
