I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
