This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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