she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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