now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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