Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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