Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
