So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
