He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
