Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
