I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
