theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
