hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He shit in the fireplace
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
