Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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