Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
