I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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