..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
