just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
