I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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