guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
