glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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