it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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